My Top 5 Tips for Teaching Kids About Boundaries

Teaching kids about boundaries can be hard.

Heck, even adults are still trying to figure them out.

But teaching kids boundaries is essential to helping them feel secure and to creating spaces where they can play and collaborate together. It’s also setting the tone for their adult lives, so the work we do as childhood educators plays a huge role in their development.

I’ve been running musical theatre camps for over a decade and I love the container of teaching boundaries in this setting. Here are some tips and tricks I’ve learned throughout my years on how to help kids learn boundaries. 

Tip #1

Practice what you preach.

More and more intuitive children are being born every day. They can sense cognitive dissonance, they can smell a plot hole from a mile away. So it’s far more effective to teach by example. Children are reflections of their environment, and as the leader of the space, you are setting the tone. Listening to their boundaries, the boundaries of your coworkers and your own boundaries will help them learn by osmosis.

Tip #2

Keep it simple

There can be so many boundaries that it can be hard and overwhelming for kids to keep track of them all. Boundaries can also fluctuate day by day and person to person. So instead of having a long list of boundaries for them to remember, I give them 1 rule. 

“If it’s not your body or your property, just ask.”

This rule removes all confusion.

Then the question you ask them when boundaries are crossed can be consistent. “Did you ask if you could use your friend’s colouring book?” “Did you ask to give your friend a hug?” And so on. 

Tip #3

Cats and dogs

I love using the metaphor of cats and dogs with children to teach them about boundaries. This was inspired by one student who reminded me so much of myself when I was young. Big puppy energy, incredibly affectionate, high energy, constantly wanting to hug everyone. 

Now, sweet as he was, not all kids wanted to be hugged, and he was very tall and strong for his age, so he could even knock me over if he caught me by surprise. 

So I called the kids in for a talk about cats and dogs. It went something like this. 

Me, “Does anyone have a cat or dog in their life?”

Kids, “I do, my aunt has a cat…” and so on.

Me, “Okay, so what happens when you pet the cat and the cat doesn’t want to be pet?”

Kids, “They scratch me, they bite me…”

Me, “Exactly. So if you want to pet a cat, you want to move pretty slowly. Now what about dogs? Are dogs usually always happy to see you?”

Kids, “Yes, when I come home, my dog is always so excited, always gives me kisses…”

Me, “Awesome! Now to be safe, if you don’t know the dog, you still should ask before petting him. But in general, if it’s a family dog, he’ll be excited for pets all the time. Some people are like cats and some people are more like dogs. And sometimes, people are like cats with certain people but they’re like dogs with others. 

(At this point they all started volunteering what animal they saw themselves as.)

Kids, “Well with my sister, I’m a dog, but everyone else I’m a cat…”

Me, “Amazing, now if you don’t know what someone is, or you haven’t seen them for a long time, it’s important to always approach them like a cat. You don’t know if they’ve gotten a sunburn, have another injury, or just are not feeling like a hug. So it’s always important to check in. I have a dog energy, and I’m always down for a hug, but you do need to give me a heads up so you don’t knock me over.”

Tip # 4

Natural consequences

I love teaching boundaries in the context of theatre, because the kids who attend are invested in outcome of the final show. This gives us the opportunity to practice boundaries with their possessions in a safe environment, but that still has real life consequences. 

In theatre, everyone has props that they use and that need to be in certain places at certain times. If someone is fooling around with a prop that is not theirs and they misplace it or it breaks, the person who needs that prop will be left without their prop. Accidents happen in theatre all the time. But because the campers are really invested in the show, and we’ve done a lot of team building exercises, they want to support each other. Having the consequence of the show being stalled or their cast mate being at a loss, reinforces the importance of boundaries with their possessions

Tip #5

Assume the best

Children don’t want to be seen as bad or labeled as bad. If they are, they often get defensive, deflective, or lie because they fear abandonment. Also, how you observe an atom changes how it behaves. If you label children as “bad” in your head or out loud, the child’s behaviour will often meet that expectation. That’s why it’s important to see the good in them and lead with the assumption that they don’t want to cross their friends’ boundaries. This doesn’t mean be delulu, it just means to move forward with the assumption that they want to make things better. It gives you the opportunity to work together with them to find a solution. Sometimes the conversation looks like this. 

Me, “I know you love your friends and don’t want to cause them harm. But crossing their boundaries can hurt them. So what’s something you can think of to help make remembering their boundaries easier for you in the future. And how do we repair the situation right now?”

Some kids may respond with, “Oh, I do want to harm my friend. And that’s another conversation to have. But most kids will appreciate the opportunity to be seen as caring and right the wrong. If they can’t think of anything, you can help them come up with a solution. 

Final thoughts

It’s important to remember that children are a reflection of our society, families and everything they absorb. So at the end of the day, it’s important to be the example and be consistent. If a child is intentionally trying to cause harm to another child, this may be a case of bullying at home or inappropriate media they may be watching. This is a bigger conversation to have with the parents. 

If you want more content like this, let me know. I’d love to hear your thoughts. 

If you’re interested in signing your child up for theatre camps, you can go to this link:

https://www.wuzzosworld.com/musicals